addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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