Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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