don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
