Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
