I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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