He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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