we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
