First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
