i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
