when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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