Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
