was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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