ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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