I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
