i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
