how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize