Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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