He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
