Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
