My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How's work?
Spinning.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
