sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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