I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
