Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
