This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
