Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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