I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
