This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
