This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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