So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
