A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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