its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
