Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize