I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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