Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
