I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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