So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
