she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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