Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Be still, my beating vagina.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
