hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
