she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
