If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We are two peas in an std pod
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
