Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
