So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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