I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
