ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize