We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just blew my weed a kiss
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
