i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
