20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
