I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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