Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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