Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
