weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
