Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
