we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize