i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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