i can't believe i had my finger in that
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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