I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
