There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
