just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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