I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
they're like a gay fantastic four
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
