Don't make out with my wife yet
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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