You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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