Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
