Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
