Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
